Last night the three of us had a good discussion about what we are all wanting from adding another person to the mix, primarily as a close friend for Wifey. After careful consideration, we all agreed that initially we will all meet the person, and get to know them, but the bulk of the in between communication should be between Wifey and this person. We also debated on whether the person should submit to me if they were a submissive not under someone’s control, and as much as I am a control freak, I don’t think it is a good idea for the person to submit to me 24/7.
There are many reasons for this. One of which is that our life is so busy as it is, that on an ongoing regular basis I already feel stretched thin. I don’t want all my creative juices going to this 4th person, when Wifey deserves to have the best of my creative juices. I would not want Wifey’s submission to feel second fiddle to someone else’s, and I might feel obligated to throw more the other person’s way because they would not be here all the time. The other main reason is that I do not want this person getting more attached to me (or K), than they will be to Wifey, and then Wifey becoming the side focus, while they really just primarily want to submit to me. That would not be fair and would also undermine what we are trying to accomplish here.
Wifey needs a friend, we all need friends, but I do NOT need (or necessarily want) another submissive. I do however enjoy kinky fun play, so if this person is over, and we happen to all be free and feeling frisky, I would be happy to play with this person, along with K, or give Wifey and her friend a joint play scene. That seems much more doable for me, and a much better fit with our life. It should also prevent the other things I was worried about.
I think my control freak nature will kick in if I feel like the friendship is causing Wifey to be less content with her life right now. When I say that, I don’t mean to sound like she is not content with the way we live, as a threesome, but rather not fully content with the level she is able to be a woman. We wish we lived in a world where we could be wide open with what she is and how we live, but sadly, we do not. Wifey would lose work clients if this was brought to the surface with everyone. Who knows how some people would react. If we can live how we want 95% of the time, and just be discreet with the rest, I feel that is best. Therefore she is never going to be 100% content, but I want to get her as close as possible. If any type of friendship started making it harder for her to accept our reality, then I might be concerned. But my hope is that her friend(s) she makes will be similar in that they are not able to fully transition either, and then they can be a sounding board for each other.
We made plans last night to meet this new possible friend on Saturday afternoon, so I hope that it all goes well and she and Wifey hit it off and it is the start of a great friendship! We will all be going this first time, and then go from there. I really hope that this friend will be able to understand and relate to Wifey in a way that K and I are not even able to, and that this really blossoms into something Wifey can feel secure with.
Time will tell!